I'm lacking any desire to blog today... I know I've promised to share my thoughts on the 10 Virgins, but I don't want to write about it when I'm not feelin it.
there is so much going on in my head & heart right now that I do not know the first step in organizing my thoughts. It's good though; it's a wonderful season of the Lord awakening my heart & although I'm in the wilderness, speaking tenderly to me.
not sure when I'll write next... but stay posted.
kK
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
weekend recap.
I decided I would take Mondays to recap what I did for the weekend just to keep y'all in the loop...
Friday nights we usually go to the service at theWall (the prayer room where Josh will be working). It is always a great night of worship & a sermon from the heart of God. Right now we're doing a series on the life of David... really good.
Afterwards, we went out to ice cream with some friends, fun!
Saturday was full of errands & catching up on some things around the house. I looove saturdays & sundays because that means Josh is home & I just love that so much! He is such a good daddy & it's incredible watching him with the ladies (meaning our daughters... not other ladies:] )
Saturday night two of my good friends watched the ladies so that Josh could take me on a date to the Sunbird restaurant, which is a restaurant in Colorado Springs that overlooks the whole city. It's a beautiful view. It also happened to fall on the night that the moon was supposedly way closer than normal; definitely a beautiful evening.
we spent our night talking about martyrdom & living for the age to come in light of holding fast to never being offended by the Lord. It was a sobering conversation to say the least, but it's just what is burning on our hearts as of late.
then we came home & had a great conversation with our friends & watched one friends' heart come alive right before our eyes. It was a precious moment.
Sunday we had some friends over to read through the book of Mark. Josh & I have been trying to read through whole books at a time, or at least big chunks at a time. We're watching the Word come alive to us in some incredible ways! So, we decided to do it as a group. We read through the whole book of Mark & ate fruit salad & quiche :]
that afternoon, we went on a hike up to Pulpit Rock with some friends. Pulpit Rock is one of the prettiest views of the Springs, in our opinion, and it was one of Josh's favorite places to pray throughout high school. When we got to the top, we took time to listen to what the Lord wanted to say to us. It truly turned into a Holy moment as we declared the worthiness of the Lord for not only the nations but for the Springs, for the businesses, the churches, the schools, every heart... A little while later we ran into some high school aged boys smoking pot, it was a perfect opportunity for Josh to prophesy into their lives. We are believing for big things for those ones!
after our [eventful] hike, we headed home & took the evening to rest & get ready for the week... while enjoying each other's company, of course.
here are some pictures of our hike :] enjoy!
Friday nights we usually go to the service at theWall (the prayer room where Josh will be working). It is always a great night of worship & a sermon from the heart of God. Right now we're doing a series on the life of David... really good.
Afterwards, we went out to ice cream with some friends, fun!
Saturday was full of errands & catching up on some things around the house. I looove saturdays & sundays because that means Josh is home & I just love that so much! He is such a good daddy & it's incredible watching him with the ladies (meaning our daughters... not other ladies:] )
Saturday night two of my good friends watched the ladies so that Josh could take me on a date to the Sunbird restaurant, which is a restaurant in Colorado Springs that overlooks the whole city. It's a beautiful view. It also happened to fall on the night that the moon was supposedly way closer than normal; definitely a beautiful evening.
we spent our night talking about martyrdom & living for the age to come in light of holding fast to never being offended by the Lord. It was a sobering conversation to say the least, but it's just what is burning on our hearts as of late.
then we came home & had a great conversation with our friends & watched one friends' heart come alive right before our eyes. It was a precious moment.
Sunday we had some friends over to read through the book of Mark. Josh & I have been trying to read through whole books at a time, or at least big chunks at a time. We're watching the Word come alive to us in some incredible ways! So, we decided to do it as a group. We read through the whole book of Mark & ate fruit salad & quiche :]
that afternoon, we went on a hike up to Pulpit Rock with some friends. Pulpit Rock is one of the prettiest views of the Springs, in our opinion, and it was one of Josh's favorite places to pray throughout high school. When we got to the top, we took time to listen to what the Lord wanted to say to us. It truly turned into a Holy moment as we declared the worthiness of the Lord for not only the nations but for the Springs, for the businesses, the churches, the schools, every heart... A little while later we ran into some high school aged boys smoking pot, it was a perfect opportunity for Josh to prophesy into their lives. We are believing for big things for those ones!
after our [eventful] hike, we headed home & took the evening to rest & get ready for the week... while enjoying each other's company, of course.
here are some pictures of our hike :] enjoy!
Tomorrow, I plan to write on the story of the 10 Virgins [matthew 25] to follow up on my blog from Friday... stay tuned!
kK
Friday, March 18, 2011
the worst day of my life.
I've never been so humiliated in all of my life as I was the other week... Listen to this story...
So I grew up with this girl, let's call her Missy; Missy and I were best friends, tied at the hip, inseparable. She knew me better than anyone else did & I knew her as well. As we grew up, distance slowly started coming between us. We went to different elementary schools and began making new friends. She lived in my neighborhood, though, so I would see her on the weekends and we could just pick up where we let off.
Middle school rolled around and Missy and I were going to the same school! We didn't have any classes together, except for gym class and our lunch period. We were so excited to get to see each other at school now. I made some new friends my first week of middle school and for some reason they didn't like Missy very much; they actually would make fun of her. There was no way I could let them know that Missy and I were friends. Missy became my secret friend.
By 8th grade, I never really saw Missy, except for when I saw her in her yard playing by herself. She'd always invite me to come out and play, and once in a while I would; she was always so nice to me, even though I had been so mean to her at school. It confused me.
By the time 9th grade came and went, Missy and I did not have a friendship at all. The friends I met in junior high grew to hate Missy even more than they did before, and I was beginning to not like her either. I never talked to Missy anymore, but she would still invite me to her birthday parties and sleep overs... sometimes my mom would make me go, but most of the time I just wouldn't respond to her invitations.
My senior year of high school, everything changed. For some reason I started seeing Missy in a new light. She was so kind and such a faithful friend. She had pursued me even when I shunned her and treated her like dirt. Missy and I slowly started bonding again and by the time graduation rolled around, she truly was my best friend again.
We planned out our next four years of college to be roommates, study the same major, make sure we had the same friends, and the list goes on. Our plan was to be inseparable throughout our college years.
Freshman and Sophomore year went according to plan... it was wonderful. Even half of our junior year we stayed very close. But then, I met this guy. He was incredible. I really wanted to marry him and my relationship with him inevitably interfered with how close Missy and I were. She was very understanding at first, but then grew weary of my lack of effort in our friendship. I was giving all of my energy to this guy to make sure things worked out with him.
The summer before senior year, I studied abroad. I missed my boyfriend terribly and wrote him letters every week. I thought about Missy from time to time, wondering how she was doing and what she was up to, but just never really got around to writing her to stay in touch.
When I got back from my study abroad program, Missy was engaged! I'd never met this guy, I was only gone for 9 months... it all happened so fast! Upon learning this new information, I also found out that my boyfriend had been getting to know someone else while I was gone and he was no longer interested in dating me. I was crushed. I pursued Missy again, and told her that I wanted our friendship to be back to the way it used to be. She smiled and said that she would love that.
Our senior year we grew in our friendship again, but to be honest, most of our conversations consisted of me pouring out my heart over my broken relationship with the man I thought I'd marry. She was a great listener and always very compassionate with me.
Graduation came and went and Missy was getting progressively busier with planning her wedding. For some reason she didn't talk with me much about it... but I could see that she was getting herself ready. We met for coffee about every other week, when I had time and when she had time, but things just weren't the same anymore.
Finally, Missy's wedding day came. I actually heard about it threw the grapevine... somehow she had never told me when the exact date was, she must have been so busy that she forgot. At first I was offended that I wasn't a bridesmaid, but then realized she was probably just having a really small wedding and didn't have any bridesmaids... or something. So, I go to the salon, get my hair and make up done. I'm so excited to see my best friend of all time marry the man of her dreams. And I show up at the Church about 5 minutes after the ceremony is supposed to begin and... this still get's me... the man at the door asked for my name... I gave it to him. I looked at the list he had in his hands, there were only a few names on it, "wow this wedding IS really small" I thought, he looked up at me and said, "I'm sorry, I'm not seeing your name on this list." I knew there must have been a mistake... I gave him my name again, only I spelled it out for him this time. He gladly checked the list again, I could tell that he genuinely hoped he'd find my name. But he looked up at me again, and slowly shook his head.
I wasn't on her list. My best friend throughout all my life... sure, maybe we had a few off years and maybe we weren't quite as close as we used to be but... how could I not be on the list? I sat outside of the church humiliated and confused. Just then I heard the chapel bells ring and the church doors opened up and a small group came out, followed by the bride and groom. Missy looked beautiful. I'd never seen her so happy. I ran up to her, "Missy! There's been some mistake, my name wasn't on your guest list! You need to talk to this man over here..." I began dragging her by the arm towards the man I had met at the door. She slowly stopped me and looked me in the eye... she looked so sad... "what, Missy?" I said. Missy replied, "we decided to only invite the ones we knew the best and who knew us the best.." "but I know you! you know me! Missy! we've been best friends for our whole lives! you're like a sister to me!". Tears filled her eyes... "But I don't really know you." She turned away and in an instant she was gone and I was the only one standing in this church's parking lot. "what just happened?" I thought.
this was the most humiliating day of my life. But not just humiliating... confusing! I still can't figure it out!
okay... so, truth time... this isn't actually my story. But it's the story of a lot of the church today.
I've been reading Matthew 7 and Matthew 25 recently and I'm just so burdened for the church, the sleeping bride who has the understanding that she is ready for the Lord's return. The bride who thinks she knows the coming King, but who has a different definition of "knowing" than He does. I will flesh this out more in my next post, but I encourage you to sit on this, and gain revelation first hand from the Lord on what it will look like on that Day to know Him and be known by Him.
until then...
kK
So I grew up with this girl, let's call her Missy; Missy and I were best friends, tied at the hip, inseparable. She knew me better than anyone else did & I knew her as well. As we grew up, distance slowly started coming between us. We went to different elementary schools and began making new friends. She lived in my neighborhood, though, so I would see her on the weekends and we could just pick up where we let off.
Middle school rolled around and Missy and I were going to the same school! We didn't have any classes together, except for gym class and our lunch period. We were so excited to get to see each other at school now. I made some new friends my first week of middle school and for some reason they didn't like Missy very much; they actually would make fun of her. There was no way I could let them know that Missy and I were friends. Missy became my secret friend.
By 8th grade, I never really saw Missy, except for when I saw her in her yard playing by herself. She'd always invite me to come out and play, and once in a while I would; she was always so nice to me, even though I had been so mean to her at school. It confused me.
By the time 9th grade came and went, Missy and I did not have a friendship at all. The friends I met in junior high grew to hate Missy even more than they did before, and I was beginning to not like her either. I never talked to Missy anymore, but she would still invite me to her birthday parties and sleep overs... sometimes my mom would make me go, but most of the time I just wouldn't respond to her invitations.
My senior year of high school, everything changed. For some reason I started seeing Missy in a new light. She was so kind and such a faithful friend. She had pursued me even when I shunned her and treated her like dirt. Missy and I slowly started bonding again and by the time graduation rolled around, she truly was my best friend again.
We planned out our next four years of college to be roommates, study the same major, make sure we had the same friends, and the list goes on. Our plan was to be inseparable throughout our college years.
Freshman and Sophomore year went according to plan... it was wonderful. Even half of our junior year we stayed very close. But then, I met this guy. He was incredible. I really wanted to marry him and my relationship with him inevitably interfered with how close Missy and I were. She was very understanding at first, but then grew weary of my lack of effort in our friendship. I was giving all of my energy to this guy to make sure things worked out with him.
The summer before senior year, I studied abroad. I missed my boyfriend terribly and wrote him letters every week. I thought about Missy from time to time, wondering how she was doing and what she was up to, but just never really got around to writing her to stay in touch.
When I got back from my study abroad program, Missy was engaged! I'd never met this guy, I was only gone for 9 months... it all happened so fast! Upon learning this new information, I also found out that my boyfriend had been getting to know someone else while I was gone and he was no longer interested in dating me. I was crushed. I pursued Missy again, and told her that I wanted our friendship to be back to the way it used to be. She smiled and said that she would love that.
Our senior year we grew in our friendship again, but to be honest, most of our conversations consisted of me pouring out my heart over my broken relationship with the man I thought I'd marry. She was a great listener and always very compassionate with me.
Graduation came and went and Missy was getting progressively busier with planning her wedding. For some reason she didn't talk with me much about it... but I could see that she was getting herself ready. We met for coffee about every other week, when I had time and when she had time, but things just weren't the same anymore.
Finally, Missy's wedding day came. I actually heard about it threw the grapevine... somehow she had never told me when the exact date was, she must have been so busy that she forgot. At first I was offended that I wasn't a bridesmaid, but then realized she was probably just having a really small wedding and didn't have any bridesmaids... or something. So, I go to the salon, get my hair and make up done. I'm so excited to see my best friend of all time marry the man of her dreams. And I show up at the Church about 5 minutes after the ceremony is supposed to begin and... this still get's me... the man at the door asked for my name... I gave it to him. I looked at the list he had in his hands, there were only a few names on it, "wow this wedding IS really small" I thought, he looked up at me and said, "I'm sorry, I'm not seeing your name on this list." I knew there must have been a mistake... I gave him my name again, only I spelled it out for him this time. He gladly checked the list again, I could tell that he genuinely hoped he'd find my name. But he looked up at me again, and slowly shook his head.
I wasn't on her list. My best friend throughout all my life... sure, maybe we had a few off years and maybe we weren't quite as close as we used to be but... how could I not be on the list? I sat outside of the church humiliated and confused. Just then I heard the chapel bells ring and the church doors opened up and a small group came out, followed by the bride and groom. Missy looked beautiful. I'd never seen her so happy. I ran up to her, "Missy! There's been some mistake, my name wasn't on your guest list! You need to talk to this man over here..." I began dragging her by the arm towards the man I had met at the door. She slowly stopped me and looked me in the eye... she looked so sad... "what, Missy?" I said. Missy replied, "we decided to only invite the ones we knew the best and who knew us the best.." "but I know you! you know me! Missy! we've been best friends for our whole lives! you're like a sister to me!". Tears filled her eyes... "But I don't really know you." She turned away and in an instant she was gone and I was the only one standing in this church's parking lot. "what just happened?" I thought.
this was the most humiliating day of my life. But not just humiliating... confusing! I still can't figure it out!
okay... so, truth time... this isn't actually my story. But it's the story of a lot of the church today.
I've been reading Matthew 7 and Matthew 25 recently and I'm just so burdened for the church, the sleeping bride who has the understanding that she is ready for the Lord's return. The bride who thinks she knows the coming King, but who has a different definition of "knowing" than He does. I will flesh this out more in my next post, but I encourage you to sit on this, and gain revelation first hand from the Lord on what it will look like on that Day to know Him and be known by Him.
until then...
kK
Thursday, March 17, 2011
a day in the Presence.
My plan to blog every day is not happening... go figure.
Lately I have been meditating on the Isaiah 6 encounter, Isaiah's commissioning. I've been struck with Isaiah's repentance and the events surrounding it. Him repenting seems pretty out of the blue unless you take into a count what He is coming in contact with. Picture this...
Isaiah gets taken up in the spirit and sees the Lord sitting on His throne, the train of His robe is filling the entire temple. There are seraphim who have 6 wings, 2 covered their faces & 2 covered their feet and the other 2 they flew with. The seraphim interacted with one another about the one whom they worshiped. They spoke to each other of Him saying, "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord of Hosts! the whole earth is full of His glory!!!" At that time, the foundations of the temple shook because the words of the seraphim were so right & true, & the house filled with smoke.
Okay... really think about that scenario. That's NUTS!!!! putting myself in that set up makes me fully understand why out of all things Isaiah's response was to repent. Why? Because He just saw the glory of God! He saw Him in the fullness of His character & got to experience first hand the seraphim, who gaze upon the Lord day & night as their full time job, talk to each other about WHO HE IS.
((side note: isn't it interesting that the seraphim are talking to EACH OTHER about who the Lord is & not just simply declaring it over Him? I'd never noticed that before...))
When we're in the presence of God we 1. realize who He is, which becomes the backdrop of 2. realizing who we are. Isaiah saw the Lord and instantly realized, I am a man of unclean lips, & I come from a people of unclean lips. WOE IS ME!
Something I love about this is that the seraphim respond to His repentance & in the presence of the Lord they touch Isaiah's lips with a coal from the altar & his guilt is instantly taken away & he is commissioned into being a messenger, a prophet of the living God.
You see, the Lord beckons us into His presence for us to realize who He is (the most important thing) to then show us who we are (wicked & broken) only to redeem us & release us from our guilt.
Because of going deep in this passage, I have greater understanding on Psalm 16, In Your presence, Lord, there is fullness of joy. At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore!
::tomorrow I'll be posting picture of the ladies::
kK
Lately I have been meditating on the Isaiah 6 encounter, Isaiah's commissioning. I've been struck with Isaiah's repentance and the events surrounding it. Him repenting seems pretty out of the blue unless you take into a count what He is coming in contact with. Picture this...
Isaiah gets taken up in the spirit and sees the Lord sitting on His throne, the train of His robe is filling the entire temple. There are seraphim who have 6 wings, 2 covered their faces & 2 covered their feet and the other 2 they flew with. The seraphim interacted with one another about the one whom they worshiped. They spoke to each other of Him saying, "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord of Hosts! the whole earth is full of His glory!!!" At that time, the foundations of the temple shook because the words of the seraphim were so right & true, & the house filled with smoke.
Okay... really think about that scenario. That's NUTS!!!! putting myself in that set up makes me fully understand why out of all things Isaiah's response was to repent. Why? Because He just saw the glory of God! He saw Him in the fullness of His character & got to experience first hand the seraphim, who gaze upon the Lord day & night as their full time job, talk to each other about WHO HE IS.
((side note: isn't it interesting that the seraphim are talking to EACH OTHER about who the Lord is & not just simply declaring it over Him? I'd never noticed that before...))
When we're in the presence of God we 1. realize who He is, which becomes the backdrop of 2. realizing who we are. Isaiah saw the Lord and instantly realized, I am a man of unclean lips, & I come from a people of unclean lips. WOE IS ME!
Something I love about this is that the seraphim respond to His repentance & in the presence of the Lord they touch Isaiah's lips with a coal from the altar & his guilt is instantly taken away & he is commissioned into being a messenger, a prophet of the living God.
You see, the Lord beckons us into His presence for us to realize who He is (the most important thing) to then show us who we are (wicked & broken) only to redeem us & release us from our guilt.
Because of going deep in this passage, I have greater understanding on Psalm 16, In Your presence, Lord, there is fullness of joy. At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore!
::tomorrow I'll be posting picture of the ladies::
kK
Monday, March 14, 2011
a thought.
a thought on intimacy...
intimacy is about the posture of my heart. The slant that says, "I must have you & I will not be denied." It's not about setting up parameters to "hedge myself in", if you will. If my desire is not towards the Lord, I will find other things to fill my time & feed my temporary satisfaction. & ultimately, I will not have Him.
is there anything more devastating?
Lord, please hedge me in, by Your mercy!
Therefore I will hedge up her way with thorns, and I will build a wall against her, so that she cannot find her paths. Hosea 2:6
kK
intimacy is about the posture of my heart. The slant that says, "I must have you & I will not be denied." It's not about setting up parameters to "hedge myself in", if you will. If my desire is not towards the Lord, I will find other things to fill my time & feed my temporary satisfaction. & ultimately, I will not have Him.
is there anything more devastating?
Lord, please hedge me in, by Your mercy!
Therefore I will hedge up her way with thorns, and I will build a wall against her, so that she cannot find her paths. Hosea 2:6
kK
Sunday, March 13, 2011
the ladies video.
this is a video that Josh put together of the ladies... birth-5months. I like videos better than pictures because it shows the girls' personalities & facial expressions... so fun!!
enjoy :]
kK
enjoy :]
kK
permissible or beneficial.
I feel an invitation in this season of my life to go places with the Lord that I have not yet touched. I have the desire to lay things down for the sake of knowing Him. Hebrews 12 talks about laying aside everything that hinders & running the race with perseverance.
The theme overflowing in my heart is not the giving up of sin, but rather, the giving up of the permissible.
The Lord began speaking to me the other night about being one of the beneficial & not the permissible. This comes from 1 Corinthians 10, where Paul says, "all things are lawful (permissible) for me, but not all things are helpful (beneficial); all things are lawful for me; but not all things edify."
My thought process is usually regarding what areas of sin I need to get rid of, not what areas in my life aren't sin, but aren't pushing me in the direction that I want to go with God.
I feel challenged & exhorted to move on this conviction.
I have spent the last week or so seeking the Lord on areas of my life that are hindering my loving Him. It's crazy to me how much "fluff" I have in my life that has nothing to do with God, and definitely does not push me towards Him. But I notice the good things too, things that have benefit but ALSO have some area that I would call "neutral". It's not pulling me AWAY from God, but it's not pushing me towards Him either.
Facebook, for example. I've been wrestling with it, because it's a major distraction to what I know I'm supposed to be doing during my day. But I just couldn't justify getting rid of it because it brings so much good... it's a way for me stay in contact with old friends & family, a way to get to know new friends, a way for me to keep people involved in my girls' lives through pictures & at times, a way to encourage others & be encouraged myself. The ONLY negative is that it is, at times, a distraction. After wrestling over this for a few weeks, the Lord spoke loud & clear... and my heart knew the truth. Do I want to keep all of those good things in my life (through Facebook) but not give the Lord what He is worthy of? my time. Even if it's 5 MINUTES of my day that I should be giving to Him, it is worth giving up, for one simple reason. HE IS WORTHY.
This is not a blog on "why you should all get rid of your facebook" it's just me being vulnerable with where He is taking me right now. I know it's not "radical" to give up facebook per-say, it's just one of the steps I'm making to move towards my life being a life of the beneficial.
"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ" Philippians 3:8
Make this my reality, God.
kK
The theme overflowing in my heart is not the giving up of sin, but rather, the giving up of the permissible.
The Lord began speaking to me the other night about being one of the beneficial & not the permissible. This comes from 1 Corinthians 10, where Paul says, "all things are lawful (permissible) for me, but not all things are helpful (beneficial); all things are lawful for me; but not all things edify."
My thought process is usually regarding what areas of sin I need to get rid of, not what areas in my life aren't sin, but aren't pushing me in the direction that I want to go with God.
I feel challenged & exhorted to move on this conviction.
I have spent the last week or so seeking the Lord on areas of my life that are hindering my loving Him. It's crazy to me how much "fluff" I have in my life that has nothing to do with God, and definitely does not push me towards Him. But I notice the good things too, things that have benefit but ALSO have some area that I would call "neutral". It's not pulling me AWAY from God, but it's not pushing me towards Him either.
Facebook, for example. I've been wrestling with it, because it's a major distraction to what I know I'm supposed to be doing during my day. But I just couldn't justify getting rid of it because it brings so much good... it's a way for me stay in contact with old friends & family, a way to get to know new friends, a way for me to keep people involved in my girls' lives through pictures & at times, a way to encourage others & be encouraged myself. The ONLY negative is that it is, at times, a distraction. After wrestling over this for a few weeks, the Lord spoke loud & clear... and my heart knew the truth. Do I want to keep all of those good things in my life (through Facebook) but not give the Lord what He is worthy of? my time. Even if it's 5 MINUTES of my day that I should be giving to Him, it is worth giving up, for one simple reason. HE IS WORTHY.
This is not a blog on "why you should all get rid of your facebook" it's just me being vulnerable with where He is taking me right now. I know it's not "radical" to give up facebook per-say, it's just one of the steps I'm making to move towards my life being a life of the beneficial.
"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ" Philippians 3:8
Make this my reality, God.
kK
Saturday, March 12, 2011
I need Him.
the Lord has been working on the area of surrender in me over the last few weeks. My heart is stirred. I keep feeling the haunting question, "what is your desire?" Now you may be thinking, "why would that be a haunting question? that's a great question" But it's haunting when you know that what you want, your deepest desire is one that will cost you everything.
I want Him. and I want that to be all that I want, but I'm not there yet. but I must get there. I need a revelation of my NEED for Jesus.
I wrote a song a few years ago that read:
oh Lord I know that I love You
I know that I want You
You know how much I need You
but I just don't know how to love You
the way that I want to
the way You're so deserving of...
what's it gonna take for me to love Him with all that I am?
that's my heart. that's it. more thoughts coming soon.
kK
I want Him. and I want that to be all that I want, but I'm not there yet. but I must get there. I need a revelation of my NEED for Jesus.
I wrote a song a few years ago that read:
oh Lord I know that I love You
I know that I want You
You know how much I need You
but I just don't know how to love You
the way that I want to
the way You're so deserving of...
what's it gonna take for me to love Him with all that I am?
that's my heart. that's it. more thoughts coming soon.
kK
Friday, March 11, 2011
reflecting.
I feel like my life has been on speed for the past couple of weeks. My mom came to visit us for 5 days, and then only a few short days later, some of my girlfriends came for the week! I haven't been doing my "normal" routine, which is spending time with my girls & taking care of other commitments I have... all at home, well, for the most part. The last two weeks I've been out and about, showing people around the Springs, getting more time in the prayer room & thoroughly enjoying the company. You see, I'm totally an extravert at heart, so I thrive with having people around... however, I've been feeling an ache...
I feel like I can relate with Solomon as he wrote the book of Ecclesiastes. He basically lays out the meaninglessness of life without the Lord. I love this book... the way it is written & really the way it gives such a different perspective. You mostly hear the book of Ecclesiastes referred to as the "depressing book" because it can seem to be very negative. However, I find it beautiful. It's the reality of a heart that has been wrecked before the goodness of the Lord, and with a new understanding of the meaning of life, all seems like vanity through these new lenses.
I see it like this... once you've tasted food that has good seasonings on it & great flavor, and then you taste food without, you no long enjoy the food that lacks flavor. Our relationship with God is the same way. Once we have tasted & seen, once we have encountered Him (in whatever way) we are no longer able to be satisfied as easily. We know there is more. We must have more. We must have Him.
So I think about my time out & about, enjoying people's company, and although I did nothing wrong & nothing that we did was sinful, I long to sit in my chair in the quietness of my home & commune with the only One who gives & sustains life.
I'm not the extravert I used to be... I've found the only source of energy is Jesus; not me spending time with other people.
((don't get me wrong, I love my friends & there is SUCH benefit in godly relationships...))
So, I'm left with one remaining thought...
what will I focus my mind on? what will I give myself to?
An eternal God... or temporary pleasure...
think about it.
kK
“Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” Ecclesiastes 12:13
I feel like I can relate with Solomon as he wrote the book of Ecclesiastes. He basically lays out the meaninglessness of life without the Lord. I love this book... the way it is written & really the way it gives such a different perspective. You mostly hear the book of Ecclesiastes referred to as the "depressing book" because it can seem to be very negative. However, I find it beautiful. It's the reality of a heart that has been wrecked before the goodness of the Lord, and with a new understanding of the meaning of life, all seems like vanity through these new lenses.
I see it like this... once you've tasted food that has good seasonings on it & great flavor, and then you taste food without, you no long enjoy the food that lacks flavor. Our relationship with God is the same way. Once we have tasted & seen, once we have encountered Him (in whatever way) we are no longer able to be satisfied as easily. We know there is more. We must have more. We must have Him.
So I think about my time out & about, enjoying people's company, and although I did nothing wrong & nothing that we did was sinful, I long to sit in my chair in the quietness of my home & commune with the only One who gives & sustains life.
I'm not the extravert I used to be... I've found the only source of energy is Jesus; not me spending time with other people.
((don't get me wrong, I love my friends & there is SUCH benefit in godly relationships...))
So, I'm left with one remaining thought...
what will I focus my mind on? what will I give myself to?
An eternal God... or temporary pleasure...
think about it.
kK
“Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” Ecclesiastes 12:13
Friday, March 4, 2011
falling in love with the Man
I often find myself thinking about who I'm called to be, and how far I really feel from it. We've all had different things spoken over us whether it be in a prophetic setting or just something your parents may have told you growing up. There are also the things you hear the Lord whisper over you... "this is your destiny" "this is who I see you as" These words are knit so deeply within our hearts; we can't escape them.
I've been wrecked for something greater than I understand. I've tasted something more satisfying than what I know now.
This is the strategy of the Lord.
He imprints His hands in our hearts in a way that we cannot ignore. This often results in the ache I constantly feel myself in, knowing there is more in Him, but not exactly knowing how to get to it.
I know it's the glory of God to hide, but what does it mean that it's my glory to search Him out?
This is often where I've gotten stuck. In the past, I would set up plans, make commitments & guidelines for how I would live a radical life before the Lord. The problem with this is that I did it out of a spirit of striving, in other words, it was all in my own strength. These things were fruitful to an extent, but only because of His grace and His delight in the fact that I was doing all that I knew how to do. But what I didn't understand was that my strivings were absent of the only worthy driving force... to KNOW Him... to LOVE Him. Without love, all is pointless.
but what do I do when I don't feel love towards the Lord?
((well, #1, this is a huge problem that is a devastating reality in the church. Our love has grown cold, OR true love was never there to start with.))
I've been taught to "act in love, and the emotions will follow" which I agree with to an extent. I value discipline etc.. however, where does "falling in love with the Man, Jesus" fit in?
Which brings me to where He has me now...
I've learned over the last couple of years that all is striving, all is vain, outside of the knowledge of God. And I know I say this a lot, but it's true, when we KNOW Him, we will LOVE Him.
So when I think, "when am I really gonna go after this thing, really step my heart into alignment with who He says I am", I just keep myself grounded that it's about the pursuit of HIM... not the pursuit of what things I can do for Him in order to love Him. For if my love for Jesus comes from what I do for Him, it will be like the morning dew that passes away before the noon hour. But if my love is rooted in WHO HE IS, it will be as faithful as the sunrise.
And with a steadfast love within me, I know that that is what will bring me to complete abandonment before Him. And through this love, I will live in light of who He says that I am.
kK
I've been wrecked for something greater than I understand. I've tasted something more satisfying than what I know now.
This is the strategy of the Lord.
He imprints His hands in our hearts in a way that we cannot ignore. This often results in the ache I constantly feel myself in, knowing there is more in Him, but not exactly knowing how to get to it.
I know it's the glory of God to hide, but what does it mean that it's my glory to search Him out?
This is often where I've gotten stuck. In the past, I would set up plans, make commitments & guidelines for how I would live a radical life before the Lord. The problem with this is that I did it out of a spirit of striving, in other words, it was all in my own strength. These things were fruitful to an extent, but only because of His grace and His delight in the fact that I was doing all that I knew how to do. But what I didn't understand was that my strivings were absent of the only worthy driving force... to KNOW Him... to LOVE Him. Without love, all is pointless.
but what do I do when I don't feel love towards the Lord?
((well, #1, this is a huge problem that is a devastating reality in the church. Our love has grown cold, OR true love was never there to start with.))
I've been taught to "act in love, and the emotions will follow" which I agree with to an extent. I value discipline etc.. however, where does "falling in love with the Man, Jesus" fit in?
Which brings me to where He has me now...
I've learned over the last couple of years that all is striving, all is vain, outside of the knowledge of God. And I know I say this a lot, but it's true, when we KNOW Him, we will LOVE Him.
So when I think, "when am I really gonna go after this thing, really step my heart into alignment with who He says I am", I just keep myself grounded that it's about the pursuit of HIM... not the pursuit of what things I can do for Him in order to love Him. For if my love for Jesus comes from what I do for Him, it will be like the morning dew that passes away before the noon hour. But if my love is rooted in WHO HE IS, it will be as faithful as the sunrise.
And with a steadfast love within me, I know that that is what will bring me to complete abandonment before Him. And through this love, I will live in light of who He says that I am.
kK
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