the worst day of my life.

I've never been so humiliated in all of my life as I was the other week... Listen to this story...
So I grew up with this girl, let's call her Missy; Missy and I were best friends, tied at the hip, inseparable. She knew me better than anyone else did & I knew her as well. As we grew up, distance slowly started coming between us. We went to different elementary schools and began making new friends. She lived in my neighborhood, though, so I would see her on the weekends and we could just pick up where we let off.
Middle school rolled around and Missy and I were going to the same school! We didn't have any classes together, except for gym class and our lunch period. We were so excited to get to see each other at school now. I made some new friends my first week of middle school and for some reason they didn't like Missy very much; they actually would make fun of her. There was no way I could let them know that Missy and I were friends. Missy became my secret friend.
By 8th grade, I never really saw Missy, except for when I saw her in her yard playing by herself. She'd always invite me to come out and play, and once in a while I would; she was always so nice to me, even though I had been so mean to her at school. It confused me.
By the time 9th grade came and went, Missy and I did not have a friendship at all. The friends I met in junior high grew to hate Missy even more than they did before, and I was beginning to not like her either. I never talked to Missy anymore, but she would still invite me to her birthday parties and sleep overs... sometimes my mom would make me go, but most of the time I just wouldn't respond to her invitations.
My senior year of high school, everything changed. For some reason I started seeing Missy in a new light. She was so kind and such a faithful friend. She had pursued me even when I shunned her and treated her like dirt. Missy and I slowly started bonding again and by the time graduation rolled around, she truly was my best friend again.
We planned out our next four years of college to be roommates, study the same major, make sure we had the same friends, and the list goes on. Our plan was to be inseparable throughout our college years.
Freshman and Sophomore year went according to plan... it was wonderful. Even half of our junior year we stayed very close. But then, I met this guy. He was incredible. I really wanted to marry him and my relationship with him inevitably interfered with how close Missy and I were. She was very understanding at first, but then grew weary of my lack of effort in our friendship. I was giving all of my energy to this guy to make sure things worked out with him.
The summer before senior year, I studied abroad. I missed my boyfriend terribly and wrote him letters every week. I thought about Missy from time to time, wondering how she was doing and what she was up to, but just never really got around to writing her to stay in touch.
When I got back from my study abroad program, Missy was engaged! I'd never met this guy, I was only gone for 9 months... it all happened so fast! Upon learning this new information, I also found out that my boyfriend had been getting to know someone else while I was gone and he was no longer interested in dating me. I was crushed. I pursued Missy again, and told her that I wanted our friendship to be back to the way it used to be. She smiled and said that she would love that.
Our senior year we grew in our friendship again, but to be honest, most of our conversations consisted of me pouring out my heart over my broken relationship with the man I thought I'd marry. She was a great listener and always very compassionate with me.
Graduation came and went and Missy was getting progressively busier with planning her wedding. For some reason she didn't talk with me much about it... but I could see that she was getting herself ready. We met for coffee about every other week, when I had time and when she had time, but things just weren't the same anymore.
Finally, Missy's wedding day came. I actually heard about it threw the grapevine... somehow she had never told me when the exact date was, she must have been so busy that she forgot. At first I was offended that I wasn't a bridesmaid, but then realized she was probably just having a really small wedding and didn't have any bridesmaids... or something. So, I go to the salon, get my hair and make up done. I'm so excited to see my best friend of all time marry the man of her dreams. And I show up at the Church about 5 minutes after the ceremony is supposed to begin and... this still get's me... the man at the door asked for my name... I gave it to him. I looked at the list he had in his hands, there were only a few names on it, "wow this wedding IS really small" I thought, he looked up at me and said, "I'm sorry, I'm not seeing your name on this list." I knew there must have been a mistake... I gave him my name again, only I spelled it out for him this time. He gladly checked the list again, I could tell that he genuinely hoped he'd find my name. But he looked up at me again, and slowly shook his head.
I wasn't on her list. My best friend throughout all my life... sure, maybe we had a few off years and maybe we weren't quite as close as we used to be but... how could I not be on the list? I sat outside of the church humiliated and confused. Just then I heard the chapel bells ring and the church doors opened up and a small group came out, followed by the bride and groom. Missy looked beautiful. I'd never seen her so happy. I ran up to her, "Missy! There's been some mistake, my name wasn't on your guest list! You need to talk to this man over here..." I began dragging her by the arm towards the man I had met at the door. She slowly stopped me and looked me in the eye... she looked so sad... "what, Missy?" I said. Missy replied, "we decided to only invite the ones we knew the best and who knew us the best.." "but I know you! you know me! Missy! we've been best friends for our whole lives! you're like a sister to me!". Tears filled her eyes... "But I don't really know you." She turned away and in an instant she was gone and I was the only one standing in this church's parking lot. "what just happened?" I thought.
this was the most humiliating day of my life. But not just humiliating... confusing! I still can't figure it out!

okay... so, truth time... this isn't actually my story. But it's the story of a lot of the church today.

I've been reading Matthew 7 and Matthew 25 recently and I'm just so burdened for the church, the sleeping bride who has the understanding that she is ready for the Lord's return. The bride who thinks she knows the coming King, but who has a different definition of "knowing" than He does. I will flesh this out more in my next post, but I encourage you to sit on this, and gain revelation first hand from the Lord on what it will look like on that Day to know Him and be known by Him.

until then...

kK