healing.

I have been sick off & on for the last few months... it has been awful! 


first a cold. then a vicious stomach flu. then random colds. then a sinus infection. now strep throat. 


Are you kidding me?


& to make matters worse, my daughters (& other roommates) have been sick too! (but still, not as much as me; fortunately for them).


I have decided that the ONLY thing worse than sick kids is being sick yourself WITH sick kids... this has been the story of my life the past few months.


just when we think we are better, we see the first sign of sickness in one of us-- runny nose, fussiness, sore throat, cough. or, we hear of someone we have been close to recently being sick.


at which point I feel a holy dread overtake me. I begin to disinfect the house, remind my roommates to wash their hands like fiends, & make sure to not let my girls around any other kids.


to be honest, I've realized that I'm operating out of fear.


not good.




since all of this sickness has hit my home, I've been asking the Lord a lot of questions about sickness & healing & what His heart is in it all. You see, I've gone back & forth on the healing thing. Is it always God's will to heal? At one point in my journey, I would have said yes, & if you don't see healing, you don't have enough faith. At another point in my journey, I would say that all sickness is just an opportunity to grow closer to the Lord as it is simply a trial & a way for you to lean on Him as your strength. 


today, to be honest, I don't know where I'm at on the subject. 


What I do know is that I want to believe God at His word, not by my experiences. 


experience does not over-rule the Word of God. I want the Word to dictate my experiences; in other words, I want to have such belief in my heart (by the Holy Spirit) that what the Word says truly stands as the authority & truth in my life experiences. 


does that make sense?


I'm on a journey of seeking out what the Lord's heart TRULY IS on the subject of healing.


here's a video my brother did for his church--it's challenging me. you always know it's the Lord prompting you when it pushes you to go back to the Word & weigh things to see what is right & true.


would love to hear your thoughts...


kK

here is another link to more info on this same train of thought.. http://spiritlessons.com/Documents/Healing/JGL/JGL_Ministries.htm

i'm thinking about Valentine's Day

Valentines Day (VD) leaves me pretty contemplative each year. 


three years ago Josh asked me to be his girlfriend on VD. I will never forget the morning leading up to our date. I knew he was going to make things "official" that night & I found myself having confusing, mixed emotions.


((if you know anything about our story, you'd know that I should have been nothing short of ecstatic to enter into a committed relationship with Josh)) 


I remember sitting in my personal prayer room in my house, journaling about this being my last VD as a single person. my heart sank at the thought. but why? why would I dread dating the man I had waited for? the one I knew was the man I would marry. 


I dreaded it because...


I was lovesick. not for Josh. but for my coming Bridegroom. this One had already pursued me & swept me off my feet; I was confident in this One's love & affection. I knew I was secure in Him & I longed for Him to return. all of my hope was found in this one Man. Josh had not yet won my heart, nor did I feel secure in his love. it was somewhat scary to think of moving from one Man's arms to another. 


the beautiful thing is that I didn't have to. by entering into a relationship with Josh, I was not saying goodbye to the Lord & the romance I had with Him. I could fully engage & give myself to both... because I knew that Joshua was who the Lord had set apart for me. 


I look back on that day & my heart burns. I want to be lovesick for the Lord all the days of my life; until He returns. & at the same time, I get to fully love the one He gave to me. what a privilege.






I'm so thankful for my history with the Lord before ever getting married, without it, would come much pain & confusion... of which I will talk more about in my next post.


kK