Valentines Day (VD) leaves me pretty contemplative each year.
three years ago Josh asked me to be his girlfriend on VD. I will never forget the morning leading up to our date. I knew he was going to make things "official" that night & I found myself having confusing, mixed emotions.
((if you know anything about our story, you'd know that I should have been nothing short of ecstatic to enter into a committed relationship with Josh))
I remember sitting in my personal prayer room in my house, journaling about this being my last VD as a single person. my heart sank at the thought. but why? why would I dread dating the man I had waited for? the one I knew was the man I would marry.
I dreaded it because...
I was lovesick. not for Josh. but for my coming Bridegroom. this One had already pursued me & swept me off my feet; I was confident in this One's love & affection. I knew I was secure in Him & I longed for Him to return. all of my hope was found in this one Man. Josh had not yet won my heart, nor did I feel secure in his love. it was somewhat scary to think of moving from one Man's arms to another.
the beautiful thing is that I didn't have to. by entering into a relationship with Josh, I was not saying goodbye to the Lord & the romance I had with Him. I could fully engage & give myself to both... because I knew that Joshua was who the Lord had set apart for me.
I look back on that day & my heart burns. I want to be lovesick for the Lord all the days of my life; until He returns. & at the same time, I get to fully love the one He gave to me. what a privilege.
I'm so thankful for my history with the Lord before ever getting married, without it, would come much pain & confusion... of which I will talk more about in my next post.
kK
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